The Occasional Musings of Ana

Oh, I do hope this link works.

http://www.sporcle.com/games/RosaG/countries_languages

It's a fun test, I must say. I think it's harder than one might think. I got sixteen out of twenty responses, including the top half dozen, but not without a lot more thought put into it than I anticipated. I was also shocked to find the very first occupying its position. Not that I didn't know they had a lot of languages there, but it's so small!

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The semester is more or less winding down, which is a bittersweet ordeal. As has been no doubt observed lately, I am not quite as energetic as one would expect. This is due to the fact that I started chemotherapy at the beginning of the month. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma several months ago -- fortunately one of the most treatable of cancers with a recovery rate of around 90% in the best of conditions (and my conditions are up there). I'll be back next semester a little balder but no less cynical. Pity will be promptly speared by rapier wit.

Adieu and adieu.

( Easier said than done. )
I gotta stop listening to the oldies station...

Given everything that's happened since I transferred here, as the term closes I've had to wonder if that choice was a mistake. Horrifyingly, I know that it wasn't. For some reason, I need to be here in Bartleby. I may be pained by what I experience but if there is a place that could ever rival Paris for where I belong, it's this one. I wish that I knew what to make of that fact, but I feel the truth of it in my heart as deeply as I've felt anything else.

On the subject of Paris, I'll be there again for at least through July. If this sounds enviable, it isn't. It will be spent largely with family, and they know enough about what's transpired with me at Meridian that the environment promises to be as stifling as the season's heat in that city.

I look forward to meeting more of you all when we're back. I will miss some of you. I'll miss some of you a lot.

Fucking hell, it's illegal for me to be a junior now. See you in the autumn, or before.

oh thank fucking god, it's done. i think i passed everything and did ok. i can't get out of here fast enough, as much as i'll miss people for a few months. when i get back i hope i'll be brimming with new life, or something poetic. i *did* get into getty, and that's great. and i know i've met some of you other bostonians at some point or another. my number's on my facebook if you want to hang out, assuming i'm not busy. i will definitely be, sometimes, but it'll sort of depend what week you catch me.

Good heavens, I seem to have completed my last final.

I shall make my rounds to say goodbye to everyone I can possibly think of, but if I miss you, don't worry, I'm on exchange for all four years. I will not say farewell, properly speaking!

How odd to have finished my freshman year. Well, that's that.

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((Private entry))

It sounds as if she was not even herself, when she went. I've felt crushed and dragged over asphalt all over again since thinking about it, following the conversation with Jules. If she wasn't herself, then she as herself could not have suffered, but then when did that self go? What had she become? What indignities and miseries had she endured up until that point where, it seems, she no longer cared what happened to her?

I've had fleeting memories of something that I block again whenever they last more than a second. Screamings, sobbing, fog. Thick, thick fog. And anguish. I know, whatever I'm thinking of, it's for the best that she didn't go that way. But I'm struck to the bone, I feel sick again, I feel so cold. I knew her all of five months or so. It felt like longer. Jesus fucking God.

Might as well clarify: I think I'm going to Spain for some... period of time? Over the summer. I recall agreeing to this. I don't even know what city, and especially with trying to learn Welsh going so abysmally pissingly bad, maybe I should have tried to study some Spanish this term instead? I only know "mamahuevo," which I don't think will get me very far, will it.

I swear to the fucking good Lord that I will sober up for this week or thereabout. Can't afford otherwise, most likely, though I'll have you all know that my marks are completely adequate. More or less.

let's give finals another try? somehow i don't expect the second round to eat me any less than the last time. and this time there's even a fuckin' great *physics* exam. ugh and ugh.

i also have my fingers crossed about my interview to get into getty next year.

there's some other shit, but it'll wait.